Dating Dilemmas

The last time I went on a date was in February 2014.

Soon after, I was swept off my feet by a new passion……

…. that of planning, saving and investing towards financial independence and early retirement!

It’s been nearly six months since I started this blog, got my plan in place, gotten used to saving and investing more, read tons of blogs, tweets and articles, learnt loads about finances (still learning) and become part of a friendly and helpful PF blogging community.

I feel now that I can ease off the gas a little, stop checking my portfolio obsessively, ignore the doom and gloom chatter about share prices crashing, let my monthly investments tick over and enjoy being a passive (mostly) investor!

Having gotten over the madness of two months of intense social activity over the summer, coupled with 7 members of my family visiting and staying with me for a while, things in my life are pretty much back to normal, or as normal as it can be!

Perhaps it’s time for me to get interested in dating again…and stop my friends from nagging at me!

Different Game

But dating will be a little different now that I have financial goals.

For starters, I’ll have to change some of the questions that I normally ask when on a date, eg:

Where do you like to go on your holidays?

“What job do you do?

What kind of music are you into?

What’s your monthly savings rate?

Ok, maybe I won’t slip that last question in on a first date, haha!

Criteria

As with many people who date, I have a ‘type’ and my type has certain criteria, which I won’t bore you with. However, “Financial Criteria” will now be at (or near) the top of the criteria list whereas previously, I didn’t deem it so important.

Dilemma

So, choose the guy who hasn’t really been saving for the future or the guy who’s got a final salary pension and all his finances in order?

My head would now tell me to go for the second one, but what if the guy with no savings is incredibly cute and maybe he could change his saving ways….and anyway, how would I find out such information without appearing to be ‘money obsessed

Also, how to be frugal on a date without coming across as cheap? I’m a modern woman who doesn’t believe that the guy should pay for everything…better to go dutch but I’d rather not be forking out for unnecessarily expensive food and drink!
Dating Blog

Don’t worry, I won’t be making this a blog about my dating exploits – I do have some stories to tell but this isn’t the time or the place!

However, if there’s a financial story to be told relating to my dating experiences, or say I meet a handsome toy boy with an incredibly large portfolio (calm down, Cerridwen πŸ™‚ ) well, that’s probably of some relevance to this blog, no? 

Name?

And if I should end up with a significant other at some point, I’ll have to give him a name for this blog.

I’m sure you’ll all agree that I shan’t be using “Mr Weenie” haha!

Anyway, I have a date lined up on Saturday – let’s see how that goes before I start getting too carried away! πŸ˜‰

Have a great weekend all!

[Image from clker.com]

26 thoughts on “Dating Dilemmas

  1. Hi Weenie, go and enjoy the date, hope you are going somewhere nice?

    I've got plenty of dating horror stories, luckily lately they have been mostly dates that were ok but didn't click. I do generally look for solvency within a man but I'd try to gauge it by things like what they do for work/hobbies etc.

    Here's a PF cross dating question for you – who pays on the first date?

  2. Hi GFC, yeah, went for a nice Italian meal. Fortunately, I don't have dating horror stories, most are like the ones you've mentioned. I too try to look for solvency but have to say I haven't been that fussy in the past!

    Who pays on the first date? 9/10, the guy insists, although I always offer to pay. Occasionally, when I offer, the guy will accept to go 50/50.

  3. Weenie,

    Good luck with your date on Saturday! πŸ™‚

    I'm lucky in that I met my partner right when I was transitioning into this lifestyle. So we kind of met each other with nothing and got to where we're at together. Just good timing. I'm lucky for that because dating can be brutal, especially when you're trying to find someone with solid finances (that cranks up the degree of difficulty).

    Best wishes!

  4. Thanks DM – it went well thanks!

    I recall when my long-term relationship ended, I didn't think I would ever go dating again but after taking the initial scary step, it wasn't so bad. Fortunately, I've not had bad experiences but have heard of people who have been on the wrong end of such dates. As with investing, where doing your own research is crucial, I find it's the same with dating, ie get as much info as possible about that person before meeting up, hehe!

    Finding someone with solid finances at my age isn't easy – it's hard to meet a guy who doesn't have an ex-wife in tow or kids still to go to university…!

    Thanks for stopping by!

  5. This might be the most important question you ask when you date," What's your monthly savings rate?" It's often overlooked but being on the same page about finances is crucial to any successful relationship. Mrs. DivHut and I are very much on the same page with every financial choice. We are so similar. She drives a '97 Ford, I'm a '09 Civic. Always use coupons, she LOVES the concept of dividend investing, eating home most nights in a month. We maybe go to a restaurant 6 times in a year and that includes birthdays, etc. etc. You get the point. We are savers, investors and live frugally. No CC debt, car loan, mortgage, student debt, nothing. Thank god we are clean in that respect. Make sure whoever you date is on the same page as you regarding finances.

  6. Dating with personal finance in mind is HARD. It adds a whole new layer of criteria to the game.

    A few years ago, I blogged about dumping a guy because he was $50K in debt — some readers thought I was too harsh, but most understood it's not worth trying to make a life with someone who's financial values are so out of sync with your own. My current husband-to-be and I are 100% on the same page financially, and it is AWESOME.

    (sometimes I miss the dating game. Have loads of fun with it, once you find "the one" you never get to do it again!)

  7. Hope you had a good date on Sat. It's tough to date with personal finances in mind. If I were you I'd just get to know the person on the first few dates before diving in the financial stuff. Talking about personal finances often scare people off, especially people that you don't know too well.

  8. Hi DivHut, it is an important question but one which is probably best left til later on (though not too late). I get the feeling that most men would react to such questions in the same way as they would if the words 'marriage' or 'weddings' are mentioned on a first date! Although come to think of it, I would run too haha!

    You are very fortunate to have Mrs DivHut having the same financial goals – I hope to find such a person too!

    Thanks for stopping by!

  9. Hi Bridget, yep, I think now that I have financial goals, it's going to be harder. Things which I wasn't bothered about previously may now be an issue! And you were right to dump that other guy!

    Most dates I go on are fun, my married friends are either a little jealous that I get to go out and get wined and dined, or they shudder and are grateful that they no longer have to date haha!

    Thanks for stopping by!

  10. Hi Tawcan, yes, I had a great date on Sat, thanks. I'm with you, I'll get to know the person first before getting to the nitty gritty financial stuff. You're right in that many people don't like to talk about finances at all, even if you know them well (that includes some of my very close friends!)

    You can get a feel of what the person is like by the possessions they own or talk about I guess – you have to wait til later to see what's hidden in their savings accounts or portfolios!

  11. Hi Weenie,

    Nice post! That cracked me up!

    I'm pleased to ear the date went well.

    It's interesting reading the comments section. I would agree with you and Tawcan. I think money talk can come later. I think it's more important to connect to a guy than what his money thoughts are. When my partner met me, I was Β£10,000+ in debt, and she was frugally saving. She helped me turn around my finances and is a big part to play in where I am today. I don't think you need to find someone that's into saving 50% of their wage now, but having someone that finds that interesting and is open to it might be just as good in the long run.

    Please keep us updated with Mr QS (?). πŸ™‚

    Huw

  12. Thanks Huw! I find it funny that my post about dating has generated more comments than any other post – maybe I need to post more about my exploits haha!

    Yep, you're right, if that person is interested in saving/investing and open to ideas, then that's a start to work on.

    Mr QS…I like your thinking! πŸ™‚

  13. Haha, well the "what is your monthly savings rate" question could go really well. If I was asked that question I would be very surprised at first, but it would hopefully give me an indication that they were someone that was financially responsible. Unless my answer is 60% and their answer is 5% then I might think they are just looking for someone who is able to spend on them. But chances are if you're asking that question you're not saving just 5%.

    I've never been out in the dating scene while I've been on my financial journey so I can imagine how hard it would be since there's enough stress out there anyways.

    I'm also guessing most people won't know their savings rate, but perhaps you could ask them their credit scores as a starting point? πŸ™‚

  14. Hi Zee, if I was asked that question, I would be pleasantly surprised and I would view the asker in a very positive light, since as you say, someone asking that question would have a decent savings rate. Not sure I would ask the question though as it seems that the majority of people aren't tracking their savings, like the rest of us in the PF blogging community!

    Asking their credit score again might be a question best saved for later on in the relationship, before things get too serious!

    Dating's not easy at the best of times, it's harder now!

    Thanks for stopping by

  15. Haha well I just had to come and read this one after you linked to it from your latest update πŸ˜‰

    I can’t imagine what dating would be like if I were suddenly single again. Rather different from last time round that’s all I can say!

    I think as people get older there are just more sensible people around with their money so maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as say actually trying to date in your twenties again whilst being frugal. On the other hand there seems to be plenty of frugal youngsters on the scene doing OK with the opposite member of sex (Freedom soul I’m looking at you haha) anyway so maybe I’m over blowing the whole thing and people don’t care all that much.

    • Hehe, dating is very different these days but I found recently that the ‘old school’ ways still work! πŸ˜‰

      Hmm…maybe I could be a ‘cougar’ and meet some of these “frugal youngsters on the scene doing OK” haha!

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